For Chip: He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog. You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true, to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion. —Unknown

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Finding My Way

Spiritually, a white feather is typically seen as a sign from the angel or spirit of a loved one who has passed on. White feathers symbolize faith and protection and are most significant when found in a spot where they are not likely to be, such as inside of a home or an automobile. #white feather

Recently, a ray of hope emerged as I found a lone white feather in the living area.  My attention was only on the feather as I examined it and hoped that it was a spiritual source rather than from a couch pillow. Signs from a deceased person could be linked to dimes or pennies in your path, or a hint of a familiar scent. 

Pulling oneself out of grief is difficult.  Like the old "Godfather" saying:  
"Just when I thought I was out...they pull me back in".  I try hard not to dwell on death, but even after a year it is difficult.
 My mom's birthday is Friday, December 9.  The date should be insignificant, but the timing compounds the feeling of abandonment.  Can abandonment be related to grief?  It certainly feels that way.  The past ten years  I drove four hours to bring her back to my house for Christmas.  The timing had to be perfect  so she would not be away from home very long.  Last year was my first Christmas without her.

I certainly did not know that her absence would have touched me so deeply. I think of how unique she was, and the many things she accomplished in her life without every working a regular job.  She taught Sunday School for children, played the ukele, painted, and made so many ceramics I had no place to display them.  I know there is no way I can ever be that kind of mom.  She had an amazing ability to pick up vibes  from people as to whether they were good intentioned.  No way she could be scammed because she was much too savvy.  She frequently shared flowers and vegetables from the garden with neighbors and friends.

I have been so blessed to have had such amazing parents that gave me  an emotional, spiritual and social legacy.

Happy Birthday Mom(my) and Merry Christmas to all.

P.S.  Oh yeah and in this journey of love and heartache I am still finding my way.